Ban Ban Ban..

Since so many things are randomly getting banned in our democratic country, why not fantasize about banning even tiny little annoying things that irk you?

Because larger things like poverty, gender discrimination, child malnutrition, education for all, employment rate, environment protection etc. are not important enough to excite our dear government, so might as well indulge in this harmless time pass.

1. Goatee beard on round-faced men: it. just. annoys. me.
2. Net sarees and dupattas: same as above
3. People who make faces at animals: actually why ban when we can maybe BANish them?
4. Bermudas on round assed men: it looks so hideous that I can’t stop staring. Especially if they are wearing sunglasses and floaters.
5. Men in 40s calling each other ‘BRO’ and ‘DUDE’: It just is.. forget it, just ban it.
6. French manicure: It looks so bizarre- since I don’t understand whats so special about it, let us ban it.
7. Random dick and Harry pretending to be Andaz Apna Apna fan just because its cult value has become mainstream: I am fierce about AAA. And will not allow people with bad sense of humour to claim fandom.
8. Gelled hair on kids: shudder..
9. All buildings with that bluish glass exterior: No, it doesn’t look futuristic unless your idea of future is derives from the Divergent series. It just looks hideous.
10. Gentlemen and ladies who have nothing better to do but twiddle their thumbs as they come up with innovation ban solutions.

There. Today’s list. With more to come as and when fancy strikes me ( read: when I am bored)

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No need to abort female foetuses or drown baby girls: A practical solution from Baba Ramdev and company

Want to be ASHTA PUTRA SAUBHAGYAVATI ? Without aborting the female foetus. Or drowning the newborn baby girls. Or raising them teaching how to be perfect Sati-Savitris?

An army of Hindu fertility experts are coming to rescue you from the misfortune of being mother to a girl.. or gasp… many girls… or gasp gasp… no kids!! Baanz… apshakuni women of holy India- rejoice!!

You can buy a boon, a medicine, a male heir from none other than Baba Ramdev ( Jai ho) that will instantly make you pregnant with a KULDEEPAK.

First they said that every Hindu woman should produce at least 4 kids. Because otherwise Hindus will be a minority in Hindustan. Then they thought 4 is too low. So they made it 10. A nice round figure you know. Dashputra Saubhagyavati Bhav!!

Now you have a 100% guarantee that majority of these ten offsprings to be sons.

All you have to do is pay a few hundred rupees and bear a glorious male child. Or ten of them. Baba Ramdev’s pharmacies bring you the golden elixir that is guaranteed to produce a glorious Hindu army of 56 inch chaati males in our Bharatvarsha.

I have a male dog. So maybe I should call myself ‘EkKutra Saubhagyavati?’

Epic silly Evolutionary Bio-shit

OK, this is too funny to be true, but it is there in today’s TIMES LIFE and it is not there as a spoof, but as a serious answer to this world’s most important question:

‘Have you ever wondered why women spend hours trying to find the right outfit while men know what is that they exactly want, purchase it quickly and exit the store? ‘

Taaadaaa… the answer is:

‘ This difference in shopping styles dates back to pre-historic times when women spent their days gathering good quality food and men were hunters with a clear plan about how to catch their prey. Once it was killed, they’d straight return home. But women, when gathering, would be very careful about the right texture and smell of food to ensure safety and quality. This mirrors in women’s shopping pattern today.’

I swear on my handbook of ‘ FUCK EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGY IN ITS PREHISTORIC ASS’ that I am not making this up, you can read it in today’s Times of India.

I guess advertisers, marketeers and the multi-billion dollar industry targeting women to buy multiple unnecessary things by comodifying women’s bodies and minds can fold up and retire. Starting with Times of India. Because hey- it is fucking prehistoric times, ok? Women can’t help but shop because it is fucking biology, ok? OK? OK?

Phew. Let me go back to my pre-historic pleasure of picking my nose while brutally killing my noisy neighbours on this lazy Sunday.

Holy cow…

When in Dubai, do as Dubaikars do… shop and breastfeed.

Because it is a child’s right that his mother’s breastfeed him. Har Har.. this new clause in the Child Rights Law.

Are the pro-lifers taking their notes? Because once you have stomped on the abortion rights, this looks like a great cause to legislate: breastfeeding is mandatory. So is wearing soft cotton gown. And 24 hour serene smile. And regulated diet. And no songs allowed for new mothers that are not lullaby. Mothers will only watch Disney channel, the preschool variety.

Because it is the infant’s right you see. And as we know, the infant always trumps the adult woman. Always.

What about the mother’s right to not to be considered as a state’s cow?

I think they should just collectively go.. Mooo…

Commission for Women members play BLAME THE WOMAN PART 34924232932323546576O232324U45Y44..

Right.

Yet another idiot who takes victim blaming to another level.

Yet another idiot who has nerve to ask, “Why should Nirbhaya go for a late night movie show at 11 pm? Why should a photo journalist in Mumbai go to an isolated place like Shakti Mills at 6 pm? Girls should always remain alert.”

Yet another sexist jerk who preaches “Girls should be very careful about what they wear and at what time they move out in city. Their body language should not invite attention of the potential rapists lurking around in the streets.”

The said jerk is a doctor. Sigh.
A gynaecologist. Deep breath.
A member of Maharashtra Commission for Women. Epic scream.

Why the fuck would Dr. Mirge be on this commission in the first place? What does she hope to do there? Teach an advance course in ‘dress code and good manners for good girls’?

India has 40% of world’s child brides!! Another feather in our sexist cap!!

image: www. wallpaperwala.com

image: www. wallpaperwala.com

Who says we don’t love girl child in India?? Read this report. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/India-has-40-of-worlds-child-brides-survey-finds/articleshow/22425878.cms

Read carefully you moronic parent of an unmarried girl older than 18.

We love our girls children so much, so so much, so so so very very much…that we marry them off when they are still girl children.

Thats right, we do not deprive them of this divine gift to womanhood, this destiny of every woman, this holy state of matrimony. No, we do not wait for silly things like coming to age and all that bullshit. Half of our pure, goddess-like females are married off before they are 18. Are you listening you cruel parent of an unmarried girl older than 18??

Afterall, if the girls grow too old to reach the grand old age of 19, how will they adjust in their sasural? How will they learn to listen to their husbands? How will they learn to be good mothers? How will they learn to serve their families? How will they learn to give their earnings to their in-laws? What do you have to say to this, you heartless parent of an unmarried girl older than 18?

In fact, the older the girl gets, tougher for her to fit in her real home, i.e, her husband’s family. It is really unfair for her you know. And whose fault is it when unfortunate incidents happen? If she gets beaten up, left to fend for her own, raped by her husband or burnt down by her indignant in-laws? It is all your fault, you brutal parent of an unmarried girl older than 18!!

We love our girls so much that we do not want them to face this world without a sindoor in their child-hair and mangalsutra in their child-necks and ghoongat covering their child-face. Kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab!! Our ancenstors have said it so well. Do you think you know better than them, you upstart parent of an unmarried girl older than 18??

In fact the best age for a girl to be married is 12. Yes, you stupid parent of an unmarried girl older than 18. By 2020, a whopping 18.5 million girls under the age of 15 would have been blessed with a Suhaag.

Have you got it in your thick skull now that this system works so very well to protect our girls and women from being hurt? From pursuing false goals? From ruining our tradition? How it is actually good for them? And for you too?? How everyone is happy when all the girls in the society are married off and locked in their homes?

Heck, even our popular TV shows have child brides and children acting as grown up women. Watch and learn, you ignorant parent of an unmarried girl older than 18, watch and learn!!

I say, if you are a parent of a girl, a true parent, a caring parent: do not bother with cartoon channels and high school etc. Show her some nice saas-bahu shows, teach her: how to cook, cover her head and service a man. The younger a girl, better for her man. Better for her. Better for everyone.

Who are you calling a pervert, you pathetic excuse for a parent? ME?? ME??

I curse your daughter will not get married for ten more years. She will spout non-sense about deciding her own fate, choosing her own husband, her own childmaking plans, her own career, her own money. She will ruin households and ruin her own life. She will bring down our glorious tradition. She will never ever go to heaven. She will always be a paapini who will drag her entire family down the doom.

I curse you, your daughter will always be a woman of her own mind.

Yours truly,

Sanskruti Rakshak

Women condemn Meenakshi Lekhi’s sexist slandering of Ishrat Jahan

2 Easiest ways to justify the mindless killing of a teenager girl:

1. Call her a TERRORIST – but only if she is Muslim.
2. Call her a loose character- but only if she is independent.

Meenazi Lekhi, your comments stink of double edged prejudice.

KAFILA - 12 YEARS OF A COMMON JOURNEY

Over 115 women have signed a letter seeking an apology from Ms. Meenakshi Lekhi for her sexist slandering of deceased Ishrat Jahan in a television channel. The letter has also been sent to the Chairperson of the National Commission for Women for appropriate action.

As the noose is tightening around the conspirators who cynically and coldly planned and executed the killing of teenaged Ishrat Jahan and three other people in 2004, there is a concerted campaign – the final, last ditch bid to save their skins – by tarnishing the image of this college student. There have been planted stories in the media linking her to a terrorist group –all of them false and concocted, even as the Gujarat High Court has clearly said that the CBI’s mandate is to simply investigate whether Ishrat and others were killed in cold blood.

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