Ban Ban Ban..

Since so many things are randomly getting banned in our democratic country, why not fantasize about banning even tiny little annoying things that irk you?

Because larger things like poverty, gender discrimination, child malnutrition, education for all, employment rate, environment protection etc. are not important enough to excite our dear government, so might as well indulge in this harmless time pass.

1. Goatee beard on round-faced men: it. just. annoys. me.
2. Net sarees and dupattas: same as above
3. People who make faces at animals: actually why ban when we can maybe BANish them?
4. Bermudas on round assed men: it looks so hideous that I can’t stop staring. Especially if they are wearing sunglasses and floaters.
5. Men in 40s calling each other ‘BRO’ and ‘DUDE’: It just is.. forget it, just ban it.
6. French manicure: It looks so bizarre- since I don’t understand whats so special about it, let us ban it.
7. Random dick and Harry pretending to be Andaz Apna Apna fan just because its cult value has become mainstream: I am fierce about AAA. And will not allow people with bad sense of humour to claim fandom.
8. Gelled hair on kids: shudder..
9. All buildings with that bluish glass exterior: No, it doesn’t look futuristic unless your idea of future is derives from the Divergent series. It just looks hideous.
10. Gentlemen and ladies who have nothing better to do but twiddle their thumbs as they come up with innovation ban solutions.

There. Today’s list. With more to come as and when fancy strikes me ( read: when I am bored)

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No need to abort female foetuses or drown baby girls: A practical solution from Baba Ramdev and company

Want to be ASHTA PUTRA SAUBHAGYAVATI ? Without aborting the female foetus. Or drowning the newborn baby girls. Or raising them teaching how to be perfect Sati-Savitris?

An army of Hindu fertility experts are coming to rescue you from the misfortune of being mother to a girl.. or gasp… many girls… or gasp gasp… no kids!! Baanz… apshakuni women of holy India- rejoice!!

You can buy a boon, a medicine, a male heir from none other than Baba Ramdev ( Jai ho) that will instantly make you pregnant with a KULDEEPAK.

First they said that every Hindu woman should produce at least 4 kids. Because otherwise Hindus will be a minority in Hindustan. Then they thought 4 is too low. So they made it 10. A nice round figure you know. Dashputra Saubhagyavati Bhav!!

Now you have a 100% guarantee that majority of these ten offsprings to be sons.

All you have to do is pay a few hundred rupees and bear a glorious male child. Or ten of them. Baba Ramdev’s pharmacies bring you the golden elixir that is guaranteed to produce a glorious Hindu army of 56 inch chaati males in our Bharatvarsha.

I have a male dog. So maybe I should call myself ‘EkKutra Saubhagyavati?’

Main aur mera weightloss part 2

So, about 5 years ago, I was seduced by the modern-day ‘health’ myth. ‘You are healthy only if you are thin, i.e, you look like what healthy people should look like’.

I was what you would call a moderate convert. So I didn’t get into fad diets, I didn’t obsess about food or exercised compulsively. I didn’t get any eating disorders.

But the attitude of looking at food as something to be approached with caution is still lingering. Or mentally judging fat people as unhealthy and flat stomach as fit. Honestly, my rational mind slams me for these thoughts, but I admit to having them more often than I would like to, i.e., NEVER.

Maybe it was all too much for my laid back brain and I got exhausted. Maybe I realized how it was an unending road with constant room for improvement. Maybe I was not up for taking yet another challenge in my already stressful life. Maybe I realized how this regimen was spoiling one truly innocent pleasure in my life: eating and walking. Maybe I realized that I wasn’t getting any healthier and was it worth all this mental calculation that had seemed to pour into my daily activities?

I quit the programme within a year. I retained only one learning: that as a vegetarian who was not fond of Daal, I should eat pulses. But I strove to look at the daal as something regular and not as ‘protein’.

I put on almost all my weight and inches back within another year and half. I realized there was virtually no change in how ‘fit’ and ‘healthy’ I felt or really was.

This is a story of me. I have been reading and debating about body imagery ever since I was a teen. I have never consciously judged a person by their weight. I snigger at the fashion models’ ridiculously programmed bodies. I always thought I would be the last person to fall in this trap.

But I did and even now, I find myself being judgemental every now and then. Like a Pandora’s box, once I became aware of this amazing ‘scientific’ achievement, I was sold. I look around and see people obsessed with loosing weight in the name of health, and I recognize my own obsession. This over analysis of food and health and body was exhausting for me. It punctured the simple pleasures in my life and it took me a year to realize that there is really no need for it.

I don’t give shit about people who make these type health’ claims anymore, because nine out of ten times, health is just a politically correct word for ‘ looking thin in an approved way.

2 finger test for rape victims abolished

2 fingers: Thumbs up SC, Up yours Sexist government!!

Yesterday I read in the papers that the Supreme Court has held that the  2 finger test for rape victims violates the victim’s privacy and that the government should provide the victims with better medical alternatives.

High fucking time !!!

We know that the test was intrusive and degrading, especially to a woman who has just been raped.

Great job SC , for moving the justice system one more step closer to 21st century.

What I didn’t know was that this so-called test is done to check if the woman’s hymen is injured post rape. The presumption being, if she is ‘violated’ then her hymen would be injured.

Doesn’t it remind you of virginity tests? Like if the bride is a virgin.. the white sheet would stain on her wedding night… that one?? That highly scientific test of checking that the product is not second-hand.

So basically our government was doing their version of virginity or ‘good woman’ testing. This ridiculous test with its antiquated sexist presumption can be used for the classic victim blaming in court. ‘She was used to sex. ‘ Also known as ‘ she deserved to be raped’.

And it assumed rape has to be only with penetration. All other forms of rape are automatically ruled out.

Human Rights Watch published a report in 2010 called ‘Dignity on Trial: India’s Need for Sound Standards   for Conducting and Interpreting Forensic Examination of Rape Survivors’,   clearly stating this test had no forensic value. This article sums it up very well.

So good riddance!!!

Breaking News: Men are from Earth, So are Women..

20130517_092507He loves to shop.. she buys her annual wardrobe in half a day..

He is obsessed with cleanliness.. she thinks half an inch of dust is sort of okay…

He loves gadgets… she doesn’t know what RPM means..

He takes half hour to get ready… as she waits in her old jeans..

He is mad about maps… she doesn’t know north from south..

He sticks to comfy resorts… she is mad for that little beach nobody knows about..

He loves to kiss… she prefers quick hot sex…

He loves to chat on phone..she goes for short texts…

He is short-tempered… she cries at the drop of a hat…

He nurses a beer all evening… she can drown an entire vat..

He likes spiritual books.. she is crazy about horror and gore…

When they eat a bucket of KFC each.. she is still the one asking for more..

He likes to fix things… she likes baby animals..

He is hates numbers…she is the excel sheet marvel…

They are people with their own flaws and quirks ..

Stop stupid stereotyping.. they are human beings first!!!